Politics and Little Sponges

 If you know me well, you probably already know where I lean politically, and know that I have some big opinions about candidates and current issues we face and how to go about solving them- so I will spare you all my thoughts about that. (If you want to ask, I’m an open book ha) But I do want to share one of my biggest takeaways from this long and obnoxious election season. I’m not an expert parent, and not knowledgeable about every facet of politics, but I feel like I’ve put in the time to look at the different issues and consider myself well informed. I’m not looking for comments or a debate- just putting this out there.

Your children are absorbing much MUCH more than you think they are.

Not just what you say, but what they can see. Not just if you are their parent, but if you are in proximity to any child, be it a teacher, grandparent, or family friend. This has become glaringly apparent as I have answered a variety of questions from my 2nd grader on “what he has heard” about Candidate A, Candidate B, Party A, and Party B. I can’t speak for all teachers, but his teacher is incredible, responsible and professional about how she speaks to her students- these questions he has are coming from the things other children are saying. And other children are listening and absorbing these things from the adults in their lives- whether the adults realize it or not.

All candidates for any political party are first and foremost people. And as people, they deserve the basic dignity and respect that all people should be afforded. Although some adults seem to lack this ability- children don’t distinguish “people” from “politicians.” If you speak about a politician in a manner in which you would not normally speak about another non-political person, children will not understand that you are reserving this “special language” for politicians- to children it will translate as appropriate verbiage to use towards any other person. (I have this same opinion about how we yell at athletes or referees on the field, or people that are driving slow, or waiters/waitresses… etc. but that’s another rant for another day.)

All people… are also people. If you speak about someone’s political beliefs in a disparaging way- children cannot understand the difference between how you feel about their political opinions and about how you feel about them as a person.

As my oldest kiddo has been asking me these questions, it has caused me to reflect on my own words and to wonder what impact they have had- on my kids, on others’ kids, and just other people in general… and I have found that while I have been extra careful to speak to my kids about politics in a way that does not dehumanize or vilify any politician or person with opposing viewpoints, I still (as do I believe we all) have some improvement to do.

Some things I think are impactful on our kids, our future leaders:

Are you name calling and mocking politicians? Your children will assume that name calling and mocking is acceptable language toward any person.

Are you doing your research to understand what is true versus what is hearsay before you spread this information? If not, your children will assume that it doesn’t matter if you know something is true before you share it with someone else.

Are you grouping and labeling people that have different beliefs/opinions than yours as “bad” or “deceived” or “evil?” Your children will grow up with the mentality of “us vs. them” and fail to participate in conversations that involve listening to understand, and building bridges with others- in political settings or otherwise. Division will only continue to get worse than it already is.

Do you assert that “Party A” is the only acceptable choice for someone who is religious? Your children will likely look at those in your congregation that support “Party B” and assume that they are not as faithful as those that support “Party A,” and they will also fail to understand a pivotal truth- that there are good people on both sides.

Do you talk about another individual’s opposing political affiliations in conversation? Regardless of what the intention is with this conversation, with the already existing stigmas that people attach to those of the opposing political party, it’s not a wild assumption to make that talking about another specific person and their political preferences can cause a child to make further assumptions (that may or may not be true) about a person. That gossip is acceptable. That this other person is “different.” That someone’s political party or leanings are the child’s business to know, without it being shared with them directly from that person. (Because it isn’t their business.. And unless they have discussed it at length with you… it really isn’t your business either)

Do you assume that if someone is voting for Candidate A, that they believe and support every policy that Candidate A stands for? (I think we should all know at this point that most people lie somewhere in the middle- supporting some policies from the “A party” and some policies from the “B party”) Your children are going to base their opinions off of what a political party tells them to believe- and it will most likely be the political party you support- instead of exercising critical thinking skills to explore individual issues in depth. Why should we let a group of people who control a political party dictate what we believe? Political parties have changed their policies and agendas throughout time- but who is the one making those adjustments? The politicians? The lobbyists? The people? The individual principles should be the things we align with and support- not the political party.

Do you express to others that “the country is going to hell” or there will be “catastrophic” or “disastrous” or “apocalyptic” consequences if the opposition wins? For the record- I voted for the person I did, because I believe this person will make our country better. I believe they will lead with integrity and dignity, and there are legitimate things that I fear will happen if they lose. Do I think that life as we know it will cease to exist if my preferred candidate loses? No. The sun is going to come out on November 6th, and 7th, and 8th. People are going to go to school and to work. The friendships I have will still be intact. I will still get to watch the birds, eat my kids' halloween candy, and plant hydrangeas in my front yard. If you are expressing to children that life as we know it will end, and insist on the inevitability of disastrous and unfathomable events- as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety their entire life- you are not doing the mental health of your children any favors. Even if you have fears for how things go once the election is over and the winner is announced, and their presidency commences, and their policies are enacted, I don’t know that those adult fears belong in the minds of children.

If the person I voted for loses the election, I hope I can model for my kids how to act during the inevitable times when things don’t go their way, when things are disappointing, or when they lose. I want them to be resilient. I want them to be optimistic. I want them to move on and do what they know is right anyway. We will not riot. We will not allow bitterness to infect our attitudes. We will not be hopeless. We will not name call or slander. We will not resort to violence- physical or verbal. We will not threaten. We will not perpetuate falsehoods.

Inversely, if the person I voted for wins, I hope I can model for my kids how to act during the times when things go their way, when they win a competition, when they do well and succeed. I want them to be gracious. I want them to show love. I want them to be encouraging. I want them to empathize. I want them to work hard to make sure everyone feels safe. We will not gloat. We will not rub it in others' faces. We will not proclaim that “good has conquered evil.” We will not assert to others that God favored, intervened, and ensured the outcome.

No matter the results, roughly half of the country will be discouraged, and half will feel relieved. But I believe that regardless of how people voted, their vote was motivated by love, and not by hate of the other side. Contrary to what the media will try and portray, I believe we all ultimately want the same thing- the things that are most important. We want the world to be safe, healthy, and loving, especially for our kids.

My hope for the future is not dictated by one presidential election. (Despite the feeling that for this current one, the stakes are higher than in others). My hope lies in my faith- that God is mindful of us, and that we can trust in the love he has for us and his promise to provide divine assistance. My hope lies in people- because I believe people, more often than not, are good. That humans are generally altruistic beings. That any small kindness makes a far greater impact than can be anticipated. That, even if my circle of influence is small, my responsibility is to make it better, safer, more inclusive. My hope lies in my kids- that they will treat others with respect and with dignity. That their actions will better themselves and the lives of others. That they may learn to be resilient- so when the inevitable difficulties of life occur, they can lean on the belief that they are stronger than they think, they are capable of doing hard things, and that there is so much good in the world.

My hope is that we can let our kids be kids. That we can shield them, for as long as we can, from the poison that is divisiveness, unfair judgment, and hate. And that we can realize that the greatest shield from that poison is our own actions and words.